To The Parents Of Modified Children
(First Published on BMEzine.com, Fall, 2001)

This article/commentary is written mostly to my mother, who is very unforgiving about my wanting to get pierced and (in the future) tattooed. Personally, it really hurts when I hear my mom talk about my friend I mentioning having four tongue piercings, say "People like that have a problem, they need to be put in the mental hospital." It hurts me when I hear my mom go "When I saw your nose ring it made me sick. Why would you want to do something like that?" And it really hurts when my mom goes "I don't want you doing any more, promise me now or I'll kick you out" I just wish my mom could read this, because maybe, just maybe, she'd understand.

To the parents:
If you have a son or daughter who is into modifications, don't cast them out. Don't let them drift away from your life because they choose to decorate their bodies. Don't lose them forever over a simple piece of metal, or some ink. Don't brush them off, saying they need to be put into an institution, so this "problem" of wanting and needing modifications is "fixed."

Many parents I know of, many adults I know of, are intimidated by piercings, by tattoos, always asking us who do it, "Doesn't that hurt?" and "Why would you put yourself through so much pain?" I believe many are scared, that we, the modified, have the inner strength to show off what we have accomplished, we have the confidence to be able to do something to our bodies, be proud of it, and in turn have the world to see. I believe the adults who ridicule us, who cast us out, are afraid of us, fearful that we are not as inhibited as they were growing up.

The reasons we do this are as diverse as the things we do. Some get tattooed to symbolize a time in our life we wish to remember, or because there was a pretty butterfly on the wall. Some get pierced because we feel incomplete without it, or the rock star we adore has one. We get branded, cut, pierced, and tattooed, for our own reasons, for our own self.

In times where everyone is taught to look "beyond the outer shell, go to the inner beauty" is it possible the people who get modified, simply want to show their inner beauty? Our drive to do these things is from our insides, they ARE our inner beauty. Maybe we know that everyone will still judge us for our outer appearance, maybe we wish these people to see our inner beauty, by bringing it to the outer world.

Is a nose ring, or stretched earlobes, or some ink, really the cause of losing a daughter? A son? If your child decided to change their body, the way they want to, would you really cut off their future for college education? Would you really inhibit them to better themselves through schooling, or other good things? Would you really downcast them, pretend they don't exist, and hope this "phase will blow over"? Do we need to change our focus to the next generation by saying "You must follow your dreams... but only if they fit mine as well"? Or "Follow your heart, but do as I say or else"?

Please understand we are not insane. We do not need to be put into mental hospitals for the modifications we do. We do not do this out of spite, or because we are imbalanced. Yes some people have negative energy and use modifications to express themselves, but there is a fine line between those, and us. We do it because we have good energy, and wish to share it with the world. Yes, some people express their negative energy, as a cry for help. I hope that as our parents, you can tell the difference, you can realize that you have watched us grow up; you would understand our cries for help if we should cry out. We wish to bring joy and happiness to the world, by decorating our bodies, and releasing our souls.

We do wish that you share in these rituals with us; it was not so long ago that cultures and other peoples, and many times, our own ancestors modified their bodies, and the bodies of others. It was not so long ago that more "extreme" modifications were the norm, and what is now today, is small in comparison. If you can not share in the occasion by joining in, perhaps be with us while we get our next modification, see the pain that we might go through, but see the joy at the end of the road. Maybe understand a little better why we do the things we do. Without pre-judging everyone who does it as dirty and a crook to steal our hard-earned money.

Please all the parents who don't understand their children and their love for modifications, we do not ask that you love EVERYTHING we do, but love us for who we are, support our decisions, let us keep our sanity, because we are your children, and we are the future.

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